Blog 48

 

Hi dear people,

Since the injury case and since my depression for which I was hospitalized for 5 weeks, people have been writing about me as if they have known me my whole life.... Within 3 days of me being admitted, I had a conversation with a psychiatrist.

Tell me your life story he said...Fine, no problem. I told everything, my life, my story, of course all in emotion given my condition at the time.

To finally read back what this doctor wrote down, life events he calls it. Life events that he thinks were traumatic for me, you know what it says?

That without this car accident I would have ended up in depression and attempted suicide too, pretty intense huh?

How many doctors took the list from this gentleman regarding my so-called life events, including the death of my grandfather in 2012.

First of all, my grandfather died in 2011, secondly, my other grandparents, don't they belong there too?

And so there is a whole list according to them, today this blog.

 

 

My backpack,

Every person carries something with him, his experiences and memories in life, his joys, his sorrows and so you can keep adding to this list.
I call all this my backpack.
There are people with a small backpack and people with a big backpack.
I am seen as someone with a big backpack and people say that it must surely be heavy, but what they don't see is that I have never completely left the painful sad experiences in my life in my backpack.
I have always taken the bull by the horns, not hiding my painful and sad experiences, but unpacking them.
I've gone through all the feelings that come with it, I have my own ways I process it, and when I've done that?
Then a little bit remains in my backpack and that is the memory, the memory that has a permanent place in my backpack and that I am at peace with.
As a result, my backpack may be bigger than some other people's, but it is not heavy.
What remains in my backpack is what is supposed to be there.
My backpack makes me the person I am today, the beautiful and the sad chapters in my life, have both taught me valuable lessons.
Who are you to tell me how heavy my backpack is?
Who are you, a person who does not know me and can only read small fragments about my life, to determine what my backpack looks like or how heavy it weighs on me.
You don't know me, you don't know how I went through all the events, you don't know what I did with it, how I processed everything.
Really get to know me, and I mean really know me completely, the beautiful and the sad periods in my life, the young girl who has gone through and processed her own pain and sorrow in life.
The girl who almost always smiles, even if there are regular tears, my smile always prevails.
Do you know why?
Because I choose to!
Mostly unconsciously and sometimes consciously.
Because in my eyes, you can't celebrate life without also "embracing" death.
Because just as breathing is part of your life, so is death.
And even though we know this, when a loved one dies, it brings great sadness and loss.
I have lost people around me since I was 6.
That grief I have gone straight through, no matter how difficult it was at times.
I have my own way of remembering these loved ones, to keep them somewhere close to me.
Because in my eyes, love is the strongest thing that exists.
I also believe that we humans can handle anything, if we choose and work for it.
We are so incredibly strong, even when it doesn't feel like it.
It's not about what I experienced, it's about how I dealt with it, how I turned darkness into light.
Just as there is joy and prosperity in your life, there will also be sadness and setbacks.
That's life, take the good with the bad....
Everything I have gone through makes me the person I am today.
And I am proud of that!!!
I am grateful for everything I have been through, everything that has shaped me and all the important lessons I have learned that help me and my future life.
Like my backpack gives me the handles I need....
You can hear my stories and think, intense, traumatic, you can also listen to them and think, how resilient is she....

It's just what you choose to see.

 

Love, Kim